Personal Care

MAGA Tariff Relief™

Price-induced heartburn

For the burning sensation at checkout.

Price Adjusted Product photo of MAGA Tariff Relief™

Ships in 3–5 business days from a warehouse that does not exist.

You were told someone else would be paying. Then you got to the register. MAGA Tariff Relief™ neutralizes the burning sensation that comes from reading a receipt, without in any way changing the receipt.

Three rolls of chalky pastel tablets, twelve to a roll. Last year it was four rolls. The price is the same as last year, plus the difference.

ParodyNot for saleNot medical advice

Drug Facts

Active ingredientPurpose

Calcium carbonate 750 mg, Reassurance 250 mgPrice-induced heartburn

Uses

Relieves heartburn, sour stomach, and acid indigestion associated with checkout
Soothes the burning sensation that follows the words "new pricing"
Does not affect prices

Warnings

Ask a doctor or pharmacist before use if you are holding a receipt.
Do not take more than 10 tablets in 24 hours, or when gas prices are posted.
Price may change between purchase and use.
Imported. A surcharge has been applied to the relief.

Directions

Chew 2–4 tablets as symptoms occur.
Do not look at the total while chewing.
Repeat at next purchase.

Other information

Price reflects a temporary adjustment. All adjustments are temporary until further notice.

Questions? There is no number to call. This panel is a parody of the FDA Drug Facts label. Nothing described here exists, and nothing here is medical advice.