★★★★★
“I have never been so aware of the sun. Truly a wake-up call, and also a burn.”
Personal Care
MAGA SPF -50™
Because protection is socialism.
$22.76
Ships in 3–5 business days from a warehouse that does not exist.
The sun is a free, God-given, American resource. So why is Big Sunscreen so determined to keep it off your skin? MAGA SPF -50™ removes the middleman between you and roughly 93 million miles of unfiltered ultraviolet radiation.
Our proprietary lens-grade emulsion actively attracts UV-A, UV-B, and, in testing, several wavelengths our lab could not identify.
ParodyNot for saleNot medical advice
Drug Facts
Active ingredientPurpose
Concentrated Noon 50%, Mineral Oil 50%Exposure accelerant
Uses
- Increases the intensity and duration of solar exposure
- Eliminates dependence on government-approved shade
Warnings
- This is not a sunscreen. Our attorneys require that sentence in this size.
- Reapply every 20 minutes for compounding effect.
- Do not use on children. Do not use on adults. Use is not recommended.
- If skin begins to smell like a penny, seek shade you have not been told to avoid.
Directions
- Apply generously 15 minutes before peak UV index.
- Lie down. Face upward. Consider your choices.
Questions? There is no number to call. This panel is a parody of the FDA Drug Facts label. Nothing described here exists, and nothing here is medical advice.
Verified* Reviews
*Not verified. Not reviews. Not real people.
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