We make the products the rhetoric implies.

Red State Remedies is a satirical storefront. Every product here is the logical end point of an argument someone actually made out loud, rendered as an over-the-counter consumer good with a price that ends in .76.

The premise is simple. A great deal of contemporary political messaging works by treating measurement as the enemy — if the thermometer says something unwelcome, the thermometer is the problem. Take that idea seriously enough and you end up with a smoke detector that argues with you, a GPS that will not recalculate on principle, and a mattress with a 24-hour memory ceiling. We just built the shelf.

Nothing here is for sale. The cart works — it adds up, the fee is itemized, the total is correct — because a joke about commerce is funnier when the arithmetic is honest. What is missing is everything behind it: no inventory, no warehouse, no order, no payment processor. The cart lives in your browser and goes nowhere.

The checkout says all of that out loud, and then makes the one sincere offer on the site: the total you assembled is a real number, and if you want it to do something, we suggest sending it to a charity that does real work. That link is a suggestion and nothing more — we are not affiliated with it and receive nothing from it.

What this is not

This site is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or connected to any political party, campaign, candidate, elected official, government agency, or real manufacturer. Product names are parody constructions and are used to comment on public political rhetoric, not to identify or trade on any real brand. Any resemblance to an actual product is the joke.

It is also not medical advice, health information, or a source of anything you should act on. If you need sunscreen, buy sunscreen. If you need a smoke detector, buy a smoke detector that works.