Est. 2016 · Nationally Unregulated

Health products for people who have made up their minds.

30 remedies. One principle: if a problem is inconvenient, stop measuring it.

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Satire. Nothing here is real or for sale. Prices end in .76 because we are not subtle people.

MAGA Fact Wipes™ View remedy →

Clinically UntestedNo study was conducted.

Doctor AdjacentA doctor was in the building.

Free ReturnsThere is no returns process.

Made in America**The asterisk is the product.

Selected Remedies

A treatment for every certainty.

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UL Listed*

MAGA Smoke Detector™Fire denialThe fire is not the story here.

New Formula

MAGA SPF -50™Exposure accelerantBecause protection is socialism.

MAGA GPS™Directional certaintyRecalculating is a sign of weakness.

MAGA Memory Foam™Positional amnesiaContours to your position. Then forgets it.$1899.76

Department · Natural Remedies

Remedies from before there were remedies.

Four products for people who have done their own research. Nothing added, nothing pasteurized, nothing that would help.

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Departments

Shop by what you are avoiding

7 productsPersonal Care Grooming, hygiene, and friction.4 productsNatural Remedies Grown, rendered, or toughed out.3 productsReproductive Wellness Now with mandatory third parties.2 productsVision & Hearing See and hear only what fits.3 productsHome Safety Safety, redefined downward.4 productsSmart Home Devices with strong opinions.3 productsSleep & Memory Rest easy. Remember nothing.4 productsLake America Gear for renamed waters.

The Method

Every product works the same way.

Identify a measurement.
Remove the measurement.
Declare the problem solved.

It is the only manufacturing process we have, and we have applied it to sunscreen, smoke detection, navigation, contraception, thermometry, pain relief, and adult incontinence. The results speak for themselves, loudly, over anyone who disagrees.

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Regulatory status.

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration, because these products do not exist and the FDA has better things to do. This site is parody and is not affiliated with any political party, campaign, candidate, agency, or manufacturer.

ParodyNot for saleNot medical adviceNo affiliation