Natural Remedies

MAGA Raw Milk™

Immunity, by exposure

Pasteur was French.

Ships in 3–5 business days from a warehouse that does not exist.

In the 1860s a Frenchman decided your drinks needed heating. MAGA Raw Milk™ declines. Every quart arrives exactly as it left the cow, with its cream line, its living cultures, and a rich microbial heritage that has not been told what to do.

One glass quart, foil sealed. The cream line is visible. Everything else is a surprise.

ParodyNot for saleNot medical advice

Drug Facts

Active ingredientPurpose

Whole milk 96%, Whatever else 4%Immunity, by exposure

Uses

Builds immunity by introducing you to everything at once
Supports gut health, in the sense that your gut will be very busy
Restores the farm-to-table experience, including the farm

Warnings

Contains milk and other living things.
Not pasteurized. Not homogenized. Not recommended.
Ask a doctor before use if you are very young, very old, or alive.
If symptoms occur, it is working.

Directions

Shake well. Do not smell first; it only discourages you.
Drink by the date on the cap. There is no date on the cap.
Keep refrigerated, or do not, and build immunity faster.

Other information

Keep away from heat, light, and the county health department.

Questions? There is no number to call. This panel is a parody of the FDA Drug Facts label. Nothing described here exists, and nothing here is medical advice.