★★★★★
“Eleven hours on Lake America, zero fish. This lure confirmed everything I suspected about this lake.”
Lake America
MAGA Bass Lure™
Selective angling
The fish left with the previous administration.
Tournament Legal*
$19.76
Ships in 3–5 business days from a warehouse that does not exist.
Ordinary lures will take a strike from any fish in the water, no questions asked. MAGA Bass Lure™ asks the questions. Our red, white, and blue crankbait screens every approaching bass for origin, loyalty, and length of residency in Lake America before permitting a bite.
To date, no fish has passed. This is not a defect in the lure. It is a finding about the fish.
ParodyNot for saleNot medical advice
Drug Facts
Active ingredientPurpose
Treble hook (1), eagle decal (1), vetting protocolSelective angling
Uses
- Attracts largemouth bass of verified origin
- Repels invasive species, which upon review is all of them, which explains the results
- Converts an empty stringer into supporting evidence
Warnings
- Has never caught a fish. The fish are presumed to be hiding something.
- An empty hook is not a failure. It is a conclusion.
- The asterisk on "Tournament Legal" refers to a tournament we hold.
Directions
- Cast toward open water.
- Retrieve slowly. Wait. Blame.
- Repeat until dusk or vindication, whichever comes first.
Questions? There is no number to call. This panel is a parody of the FDA Drug Facts label. Nothing described here exists, and nothing here is medical advice.
Verified* Reviews
*Not verified. Not reviews. Not real people.
