★★★★★
“Got the whole floor on it. Have not had a bad week since.”
Sleep & Memory
MAGA Pardon™
Pre-emptive, daily
Take one before anything happens.
Refills Available
$49.76
Ships in 3–5 business days from a warehouse that does not exist.
Most remedies treat a problem after it starts. MAGA Pardon™ is preventive care: one small white tablet each morning, taken in advance of whatever the day turns out to involve.
Seven translucent lids, unlabeled, because the days are not the point. Full-week coverage, renewable for as long as someone is in a position to renew it.
ParodyNot for saleNot medical advice
Drug Facts
Active ingredientPurpose
Clemency 1 mg (pre-emptive)Pre-emptive, daily
Uses
- Provides all-day protection against consequences not yet incurred
- Covers acts known and unknown, past and upcoming
- Helps you sleep through the night and any subsequent hearings
Warnings
- Must be dispensed before the dispenser leaves office.
- Effectiveness depends on who is dispensing.
- May not be effective at the state level.
- You do not need to tell anyone what it is for.
Directions
- Take one tablet each morning, before doing anything.
- If you miss a dose, nothing happened that day.
- Refills available on request, for as long as the pharmacist is in.
Other information
Precedent sold separately.
Questions? There is no number to call. This panel is a parody of the FDA Drug Facts label. Nothing described here exists, and nothing here is medical advice.
Verified* Reviews
*Not verified. Not reviews. Not real people.
★★★★★
“I cannot tell you what I did, and now I never have to.”
★☆☆☆☆
“Does not work in New York.”
